Teachers Who Bully

 

Bullying committed by adults 



Bullying has become a national issue. It often brings to mind school bullying between children, but bullying can involve adults, even bullying teachers. Teachers can sometimes be the bully.

 

Bullying is the act of one person using strength or status to infringe on another person, whether with insults, threats, physical harm, ostracism, or infringing on their boundaries in any way that is not sexually charged. (To clarify, some see sexual harassment as a subset of bullying, but others see them as separate categories.) Although much bullying is peer-to-peer, bullying can be inflicted by an older person on a younger person or vice versa. Although school bullying is commonly taken to refer to students bullying each other, teachers can also be party to school bullying. 

Teachers can be involved in bullying in three ways: as observers, as perpetrators, and as victims. As observers, teachers can help prevent or stop bullying or perpetuate it. This article will deal with bullying in which teachers take part themselves, on one side or the other. 

Bullying Teachers

 

Is this what we really want to teach our kids?

 

The dunce cap, standing in the corner, having one hand whacked with a ruler, having one poor grade announced to the class—all these methods that at one time were a common occurrence in educational settings might now fall under the category of bullying teachers. Bullying teachers can act by using degrading words and treatment, as well as physical punishments. Other school employees besides teachers can bully students, including coaches, custodians, security personnel, and the front office staff—even the principal. 

Bullying is starting to get national attention and be taken more seriously than in days past. But the focus is decidedly on kid-on-kid abuse. While the mean girls, the taunters and tormentors, the physical abusers, and the excluders are very real threats, so too are educators who abuse their power over the very kids they are supposed to protect.
But when teachers verbally and even physically abuse kids, the abuse is often blatant and rarely called what it is—bullying—reinforcing the false notion that only kids, not the grown-ups in charge, are bullies.

Amid mounting data that bullying is on the rise, there’s a glaring absence of statistics on adult school bullies. In part, perhaps, because bullying by a teacher or principal is far more complex to identify, address, and rectify. It’s difficult to know what to make of a teacher who crosses the line from basic discipline to regularly berating, intimidating, humiliating (and even physically abusing) a student—so much so that a child's afraid to be in school.

 

What do you do if the school bully is your child's teacher?

 

First thing you have to do is document, document, document. Write down the date, the time, and exactly what happened. Despite the obvious pain you’re feeling as a parent, it’s crucial to be as reasonable and objective as possible.

If the situation isn't too egregious, meet with the teacher to see if you can find a resolution. If that doesn't work, learn what you can from everyone at school—your child, other kids, parents in the class. Volunteer at school, drive the carpool, keep your ear to the ground, all the while documenting everything you learn. During this fact-finding period, start building a support network of parents—after all, one parent's complaints can easily be waved off, while a group of concerned parents has more chance of being heard.

Parents shouldn't storm the principal’s office right away. Follow the chain of command—starting with a senior teacher or the head of that teacher’s department, then the vice principal, principal, principal’s supervisor, and superintendent. This approach works in your favor for two reasons: One, the closer someone is to the problem, the more likely they’ll be able to take swift, effective action; and two, when you go to the top, one of the first questions will be, 'Who have you talked to about this, and what did they say?' If you can’t answer effectively, you’re likely to be directed back to those you’ve skipped. And always document every bullying incident. If you have documentation for a couple of months, they can’t ignore that. Also, if they try to, I’d say 'I’m going to the newspaper.'

A battle kids can’t fight

When it comes to protecting kids from bully teachers, sadly kids are in a vulnerable position—and ill-equipped to fight the battle on their own and there’s no real silver lining—but there are different routes parents can take. Following certain protocol—like documenting every incident, building a support system, and working up the chain of command—can protect kids from continued trauma at the hands of a bully teacher and save them from the ordeal of leaving a school altogether. But the fight to protect your child from a bully teacher may not (and usually won’t) be easy.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Life Will Change

It Doesn't Last Forever

A year after a Westport teenager, Alye Pollack, posted a silent but powerful online video decrying bullying, she has posted another video saying that she no longer is a target for bullies and urges others who feel bullied to seek help and be confident that "You Are Loved."

Reprising the format of her video from March 2011, Alye Pollack, now a 14-year-old high school student, does not speak but holds up a series of hand-lettered messages that say, among other things, to bullying victims, "It Gets Better." That, Pollack writes, is true of her own life, which "has changed SOOOOO much" over the course of a year.

"I've made so many new friends and remain friends with the people that have accepted me, BUT it doesn't matter how many friends you have; only how good and supportive and accepting they are," Pollack writes in the video below.

 

 

That marks a sharp change from the teen's earlier video, as seen in my previous post "Words Do Hurt," in which she complained about being targeted by bullies. "I am bullied," she wrote at the time. "Not a day has gone by without one of these words ..." and the next sign listed insults and epithets she said she was called, including, "... Fat, Slut, Freak, Ugly ..."
 
One of the last signs in the March 2011 video that Pollack held in front of her camera read: "HELP" in large capital letters, followed by, "THINK before you say things. IT MIGHT SAVE ..." "LIVES," read the following sign.
 
The video, besides going viral online, brought widespread media attention to Pollack, who was then an eighth-grader at Bedford Middle School. She was interviewed about her anti-bullying plea by local and national press. 
 
Now, however, in the new video she says that she no longer feels bullied, but she "feels bad for the people who bully me because I know what they are saying IS NOT TRUE."
 
To others who may be targeted by bullies, Pollack urges them to stay strong and not to consider extremes like cutting themselves or ending their lives. "It Gets Better," a smiling Pollack assures them. "Be Yourself ... You are Loved ... You are Special." "Don't run away from your problems," she urges. "Face them head on and stand up for yourself ... Words hurt, but you don't have to let them."


Advice for parents:

• Empower your children.
• Be assertive.
• Call the bullies' parents.
• Be involved.
• Speak with your child's teachers to make sure there's an attitude that bullying will not be tolerated.

Advice for teachers:

• If one child is getting bullied, it needs to be everybody's business.
• Instill a value system in the classroom and on the playground that someone who sits silently and watches a bully is as guilty as the bully himself.
• Keep a spirit of inclusion and enforce it.

Remember:

Words can be just as harmful as physical violence and can cause lasting psychological damage to victims. The old adage, "Sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you!" is simply not true. Never try to handle a bully alone. Always go to a person with authority over the bully such as: a teacher, a principal, a school liaison officer or a parent. No matter what a bully threatens to do, you must tell somebody in a position of authority and your parents. Never suffer in silence. You are not alone. Athough it's hard, you must be strong and remember that this situation will not last forever--life will change.

Death of a Vancouver-Area Teenager

Death is not the answer

In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as "just part of being a kid," it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide.

Below is a video of a teenager named Amanda Todd who committed suicide on Wednesday 10/10/12 in Coquitlam, Canada due to bullying.

       



ABC  covered the story in an article titled Bullied Teen Leaves Behind Chilling YouTube Video. Reporter--Christina NG-- explained that Amanda Todd, a fifteen year old teenager had posted a story to YouTube the previous month about being cyber-bullied. She was sadly found dead Wednesday night 10/10/12 in Coquitlam, Canada. Authorities believed that she committed suicide.

The website shows Amanda's video which tells a heart-wrenching story of the bullying she was subjected to -- both online and off. In 7th grade, she would go with friends on webcam to meet and talk to new people. At one point, a stranger flattered her into flashing the camera.
 
ABC reports that one year later, a man contacted Amanda on Facebook, threatening to send around the picture of her topless if she did not "put on a show." Terrifyingly, the stranger knew everything about her: her address, school, friends, relatives, and the names of her family members. Soon, her naked photo had been forwarded "to everyone."
 
Amanda developed anxiety, depression, and panic disorders, she wrote, followed by a path into drugs and alcohol.

ABC also reports that she changed schools and found a new group of friends in an effort to leave behind the bullies. Then the man created a Facebook profile, using her uncensored photo as his profile picture. She "cried every night, lost all my friends and respect people had for me again."

Soon after, the bullying started again and she began to cut herself. Amanda also wrote about how she made "a huge mistake" and "hooked up" with an old guy friend, who she really believed liked her.  Then a troop of girls, led by the boy's girlfriend, came and beat her up. "Kids filmed it," she writes. "I was all alone and left on the ground."

The video on ABC shows that Todd wrote that she "wanted to die so bad" when her dad found her in a ditch. When she got home she drank bleach in an attempt to kill herself, but was saved after a rushed trip to the hospital.

Amanda's bullying continued despite moving to a new city. Anti-depressants and counseling did little to combat the severe depression. The authorities were called on Oct. 10, 2012 to investigate the sudden death of the teenager.


Advice:

My message to any student being bullied is this. Do not be afraid to speak up. You do not have to face this alone. Just know that there have been many before you that have been bullied. High school is just a small fraction of your life. Allow yourself to move on from this, because there is so much more to your life to live. So many goals to be accomplished. So many dreams to be realized. Life can be painful at times. I’ve dealt with my own heartbreak, my own tragedies, my own mistakes, but always knew that it would get better and it did. Don’t ever give up. Suicide should never be one of your options. Suicide is a final solution to a temporary problem. There have been too many tears shed over coffins that are too small.

Please don’t ever think that you need to kill yourself to escape your pain. Eleanor Roosevelt says it best that "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Therefore, please don’t put your friends, family, and your parents through any pain of loss because their suffering will be everlasting when they lose you. Be strong. Life will get better. You just have to give it a chance.

Words Do Hurt

". . . but words will hurt me !"

A 13-year-old girl apparently bullied by her peers had taken her plight to YouTube. She posted a haunting video that describes the alleged torment suffered at a Connecticut middle school.

Alye Pollack, an eighth-grader at Bedford Middle School in Westport, Conn., uploaded the video, titled "Words are worse than Sticks and Stones." As of now, the three-minute clip has more than 705,420 views.

Pollack, who does not speak in the homemade video below, is seen holding up signs recounting the alleged bullying endured at the hands of her classmates. The signs read, "I am bullied. Not a day has gone by without one of these words -- 'bitch,' 'whore,' 'fat, 'lesbo,' 'slut,' 'freak,' ugly,' 'weird,' fag." Pollack writes, "I don't cut but I'm close. I'm in therapy/guidance more than my classes." Another sign reads, "Think before you say things. It might save lives."

 



This is definitely a cry for help. Alye's action was a great way for her not only to ventilate but a way to get help. It's not easy but one must never give up hope for a better future. It's always darkest before the dawn. (I know it sounds like a cliche but it's true). Never stop asking for help. One should always put themself first and if you are not getting the proper help from one school staff member, you should then talk to someone else. Don't stop talking about the problems of bullying because one person may not take you seriously. Keep talking until you find someone that will give you the proper attention needed to make the bullying stop.

ATTACK OF THE SCHOOL YARD BULLIES

KIDS WILL BE KIDS

What has the world come to?



The modern day notion of "Kids will be kids" truly knocks me off my feet. This is the beginning of the battle grounds for bullying. I am a single mother who has been fighting for my daughter’s right to attend school in a safe environment for the last 5 yrs. I can't tell you how sick it makes me feel to hear those words "kids will be kids". Its a cop out.

My daughter is ten years old and for someone who is so young, she has been through so much. The very first bullying incident that she was subjected to was when she was five years old in kindergarten. (The first of the many.). It started with one girl who verbally abused her and continued on for the next few years. As a parent we want to teach our children to stand up for themselves and learn how to handle different situations. So my first reaction, was to tell my daughter that she should answer the girl back and not let her get away with it. If all fails tell a teacher. This was my advice.

Needless to say, the bullying only got worse. On top of verbal abuse there was physical abuse by the kids. It's funny how life is, for it's bad enough that there was just the one girl but now we had a group of girls constantly abusing my daughter.  The one girl who began bullying my daughter ended up gathering more girls together to join in on the fun. Surprisingly, the administrative staff also played a part in the bullying on to my daughter and myself as well.

The situation was a mess. I was in the principal's office every single day. My daughter didn't have the confidence to tell the staff what was going on because they made her feel uncomfortable and always sided with the bullies. It seemed like the kids were running the school. Nothing was done for the first four years. Everything just got swept under a rug. No OORS reports were ever made by the school. No investigations were ever conducted. All they gave me was lip service. I even approached the parents and they too fed me nonsense of how sorry they were. The fact was that nothing was being done to stop the children's behavior to my daughter. Third grade was probably one of the worst years. It was happening every single day. The kids would always either hit her or harass her verbally when she was alone. The principal liked to call this the gray area. Since no one else was around to see it, there was nothing he could do. Her teacher at that time even instigated a fight between my daughter and one of the bullies.


  
                          





Can you imagine this?

A teacher telling a child that she should not be friends with another child. It's unbelievable, but it happened and the teacher admitted it to me. Even the assistant principal verbally harassed my daughter at school. One day she screamed at her in the morning, after I dropped her off , and sent her home to change shoes. My daughter was terrified. As I'm driving off, I see my nine year old daughter crying and running out of the building. Anything could have happened to her! Once a child is in school, they are responsible for the safety of that child.

Just in case you wanted to know:

There were no repercussions for the teacher's or the assistant principal's abusive actions. After I complained to the principal, I followed up with him regarding both incidents and all he said was that he talked with them.

It was very hard to get him to take action. He was so concerned with the fact that they were little girls. I went all the way to the top of the chain and contacted the superintendent. I informed her about the bullying incidents and the principal's incapability to put an end to the children's behavior for the past four years. I also let her know that one of the assistant principal's also expressed that his HANDS WERE TIED AND THERE WAS NOTHING HE COULD DO.

I felt that the administrative staff of the school was bullying me. It was not the school's finest hour. In the end the bullies were finally removed from the class.

This was no easy task and I always told my daughter that she was not alone. I stood by my daughter every step of the way, never faltering, and fought against what seemed to be a never ending nightmare.

Advice:

My advice to anyone in this type of situation is to always keep a log of everything that goes on. Keep track of names, dates, and incidents. This is your proof!

Remember:

Upon receiving a complaint, the school must issue OORS reports and conduct investigations as required by the Chancellor's Regs. Please tell someone about what is going on, for you do not have to deal with this on your own. Life will not always be like this.

FACTS REVEALED ABOUT BULLYING

Please read:
 

The facts on bullying reveal  that it is a growing problem among teens and children.
As seen by two sources of federally collected data on youth bullying:       

• The Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System of 2011 from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that, 20% of students, nationally, in grades 9–12 experienced bullying.

• The School Crime Supplement  2008–2009 from the National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice Statistics shows that 28% of students, nationwide, in grades 6–12 experienced bullying.

Bullying can happen anywhere. Many children and teens are regular victims of bullying, which can lead to serious emotional scarring and problems with the victim's self-esteem and self-image. Correcting these behaviors before they start or get out of hand are important for parents and educators to keep in mind.


What are some types of bullying?

According to a governmental organization called Respect For All in nyc there are different types of bullying:

• Verbal. This type of bullying usually involves name calling and or teasing
• Social. Spreading rumors, intentionally leaving others out of activities on purpose, breaking up friendships are all examples of social bullying.
• Physical. This traditional form of bullying involves hitting, punching, shoving and other acts of intention physical harm.
• Cyberbullying. This method of bullying involves using the Internet, texting, email and other digital technologies to harm others.

I found this website: http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/index.html#types  that provided me with a lot of information about bullying.  This was very insightful! 

More Facts on bullying:

• Imbalance of power. Typically those who engage in bully-like behaviors use their strength, popularity or power to harm, control or manipulate others. They will usually target those who are weaker in size or may have a difficult time defending themselves.
• Intent to cause harm. A bully is a person who does not do things by accident. The bully intends to physically or emotionally injure a person or group of persons.
• Repetition. Typically incidents of bullying are not a one-time thing. Bullies target the same person or group over and over again.

It is important for parents to discuss the facts on bullying with their children to help teach them how to watch out for bullying and to avoid being bullied.


Are there any typical signs depicted in victims?

There are several signs parents can look for when evaluating if your child is a victim of bullying.

• Comes home with unexplained injuries or with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
• Has change in eating habits
• Makes excuses not to go to school
• Has fewer friends
• Feels helpless
• Talks about suicide
• Acts out of character
• Avoids certain places or playing outside alone
• Feels like they are not good enough
• Has trouble sleeping
• Blames themselves for their problems

What are the warning signs of those who are bullying others?

The facts on bullying also provide information on what types of signs to look for in children who might be bullying others.

• Becomes frequently violent
• Has trouble controlling anger
• Is manipulative and controlling of others and situations
• Is quick to blame others
• Does not accept responsibility for their actions
• Needs to win or be the best at everything

Understanding these warning signs can help parents prevent their children from becoming bullies or help them not become a victim of a bully. Counseling or therapy are good methods in helping to treat a child who exhibits symptoms of bullying. Children who are victims may also need some kind of support or counseling to help resolve underlying issues of emotional feelings of inadequacy. Children who are confident and have higher self-esteem are less likely to fall prey to the attacks of bullying.