Bullycide

With so many recent cases of suicide being talked about in the media, it leaves many wondering about the new term Bullycide. It is a hybrid of bullying and suicide to explain when someone takes their life as a result of being bullied. 

There are many teens who face being bullied every day whether it be at school, around their neighborhood, in public places or online. Cyberbullying has taken the concept of physical bullying to a whole new level, which is why many researchers believe it is often responsible for cases of bullycide. With many teens taking their lives after being bullied by fellow peers either in school or on the Internet, it leaves parents, teachers and their friends wondering what can be done to prevent bullycide.

What is bullycide?

Bullycide is when a person commits suicide due to the acts of bullying. Children and teens who are bullied live in a constant state of fear and confusion in their lives. Many feel the only way to escape the rumors, insults, verbal abuse and terror is to take their own life. Bullycide is clearly a serious issue. There are several different reasons that ultimately can lead to bullycide including:

• Being constantly physically and emotionally bullied
• Experiencing constant physical and emotional pain
• Having to continually relive an embarrassing moment over and over that is regularly brought up by peers as a method of torment
• Being the victim of bullying by an authority figure like a parent, teacher, coach or other adult
• When the victim of bullying has no other friends to rely on for support or encouragement while being bullied regularly

 

One example of such a case is: Phoebe Prince.

 



15-year-old Phoebe Prince's life was filled with unrelenting torment. Classmates at the Irish immigrant's Massachusetts high school called Prince a "whore" and an "Irish slut," students said. They defaced her school photo with obscene drawings, sent her threatening text messages and whispered—or shouted—insults in school hallways. On Jan. 14, witnesses say, she was taunted by a group of classmates in the library and hit with a can of Red Bull thrown from a moving car. That afternoon, Prince went home and hanged herself with a scarf. 

 

Nine students had been charged with harassment and other bullying-related crimes, spurring national debate about the role of the justice system and the culpability of the school administration. But Prince's case raises another, more elemental question: Why are kids so cruel?

Admiration and dominance

Research into bullying didn't start until the 1970s, when psychologist Dan Olweus began to study the phenomenon in Norwegian schoolchildren.

 

Since then, decades of research have shown that the power differential between bullies and victims is a crucial component of the interaction. Bullies go for admiration, for status, for dominance. Unlike friendly teasing bullying is long-term, unwanted and doesn't occur between social equals. 

 

Despite their aggressive behavior, bullies also want affection. Bullies care about the approval of their own in-group, so they strategically pick victims they know few other classmates will defend. 

 

Based on evidence that has been found, kids who are already socially awkward are more vulnerable to bullies. But there's no one thing that makes a child a target. One day, they just don't like a kid because that kid will wear pink, and the next day they might not like other kids because they're wearing blue, or they're tall, or they're small, or they wear glasses. It's just not really, systemically, that there's some kind of reason or motivation. It's more like a cultural thing.

Bullying prevention:

Because bullying is at the root of the problem when it comes to these ever-too-frequent cases of bullycide, the best way to take preventative measures is to work on stopping children and teens from being bullied. It is important to realize that the big, mean boy on the playground isn't the only type of bully anymore. There are many types of bullies from boys, girls, teens of all ages to adults in authority positions. Cyberbullying also makes it easier for children and teens to bully one another. Bullying has also been found to be a growing trend among recent bullying statistics.

Now, the question comes down to how to prevent bullying among youth to prevent cases of bullycide. One of the best ways to prevent bullying is to have your child journal every single instance of bullying. If the bullying is happening at school or is school-related, make sure to take this journal to a teacher, counselor or even the principal. If the matter is not resolved from there, take the situation to the police. Bullying and hate crimes are against the law. If teachers or administrative members at your school refuse to take action, you can file a complaint or bring charges against the school for negligence. You can also bring criminal charges of bullying to the school.  It is their job to ensure the safety of your child while they are at school. Take the matter to the police and school board to ensure action. This may make the difference between ending the bullying and some child or teen's life as the result of bullycide.

Do not allow your child to become a victim of bullying by encouraging open communication. If your child hides the instances of bullying from you, chances are you may not even notice that they have a problem until it is too late. Make sure your child knows they can come to you for help with anything. Another way to prevent bullycide and from bullying getting too far, make sure your child has a good group of friends. Often, bullies target children and teens who are loners or do not have many friends because they make for easy targets. Having friends can be a great protection for your teen or child against bullying. While cases of bullying and bullycide are growing, there are also more and more schools cracking down to ensure their students are not becoming bullies or becoming victims of bullies. However, parents still play a vital role in protecting their child against cases of bullying and bullycide. Although it may seem hopeless, you must never give up. We have the law on our side and we must continue the good fight.

Bullying and Depression

Bullying and depression are often related. Depression affects both bullies and their victims. Victims of cyber bullying may be at even higher risk for depression. Learn about bullying and depression and how you can help stop bullying.

Researchers have discovered a strong link between bullying and depression. Depression is an illness that is not totally understood, and may have a variety of causes, but it is clear that it can have a relationship to bullying. Both bullies and their victims are more likely to suffer from depression than youth who are not involved in bullying. This connection can be long-lasting; people who are bullied as children are more likely to suffer from depression as an adult than children not involved in bullying.

Depression can have a number of serious effects on a person's life. The link between bullying and depression can also extend to other problems, like:

• Low self esteem
• Anxiety
• High rates of school absence
• Physical illness

Teens who commit suicide often suffer from depression. Experts hesitate to say that bullying is a direct cause of suicide, but it may be a factor in a teen's depression.

The relationship between bullying and depression is not limited to face-to-face bullying. The Cyberbullying Research Center found that victims of cyber bullying were more likely to suffer from low self esteem and suicidal thoughts. They suggest further research needs to be done to see if low self esteem is a result of being cyber bullied or if it makes a person more likely to be a target of cyber bullying. A recent study by the US National Institutes of Health, reported by Reuters, found that victims of cyber bullying showed more signs of depression than other bullying victims. This may be because cyber bullying can be more relentless and more frightening or discouraging, especially if the bully is anonymous.

Parents, friends, and other concerned people should be on the lookout for signs of depression in children and teens, especially those who have been bullies or bully victims. Some signs of depression can include:

• Long lasting sadness or irritability, including unexplained outbursts of crying or anger
• Sudden loss of interest in activities the person usually enjoys
• Withdrawal from others
• Changes in sleep patterns, either sleeping a lot or not being able to sleep
• Sudden changes in appetite or eating habits
• Always feeling tired or slow
• Being restless, anxious, or worried
• Not being able to concentrate or think clearly
• Feeling worthless, guilty, helpless, or hopeless
• Aches and pains with no obvious physical cause
• Thinking or talking about death or suicide, such as saying that the world would be better without them or that they wish that they were dead
• Giving away prized possessions or saying good-bye to people can be sign of suicidal thoughts or intentions

If a person is suffering from depression, a visit to a doctor or counselor can start them on the road to recovery. If a person is having suicidal thoughts or has attempted suicide, this should be considered an emergency and the person should get immediate medical help from a doctor, by calling 9-1-1, or by going to the emergency room. There are also local and national suicide hotlines that can help people who are having suicidal thoughts.

Child Psychiatrist Discusses Kids and Bullying

Dr. Yvonne Torres is a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist. She recently discussed children and bullying with me.

Please tell us about yourself?

Born and raised in New Orleans in 1947, I was the first board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist to open a private practice in my field anywhere in the history of Arkansas. I have been in solo private practice since July of 1978 and am located in Little Rock, Arkansas. The most important things in my life have and always will be my loving husband who has tolerated me for 38 years and who is the father of our three now adult children.

It has been an incredible experience to have the privilege and pleasure of working extensively with so many children, adolescents, young adults, and their families in both outpatient and inpatient settings over my 32 years of private practice. I have attempted over many years now to understand the concepts and develop the tools necessary to facilitate healing in oneself and in others.

How serious is the issue of bullying among children?

First and foremost, it is important to understand that there are different degrees of bullying among children and adolescents, and adults for that matter. On the benign end of the continuum we have children who on occasion in their life attempted to bully or intimidate others into doing what they might want them to do, but the bullying characteristics have not yet become in any significant way ingrained into the character structure of the child.

On the other end of the continuum we have children and adolescents who have become most severe in their characterological pathology along these lines and will stop at nothing to torment an individual into doing whatever it is they want them to do. Such severity, until proven otherwise, is almost always the result of a young person who has become significantly narcissistic and who exhibits a lack of empathy for the feelings and needs of others.

What is your definition of bullying?

My definition is essentially the same as that found in Webster's New World Dictionary. A bully is simply a person who hurts, frightens, threatens, or tyrannizes those who are viewed as smaller or weaker in some sense than the bully in an attempt to get these individuals to do something that the bully wants them to do or stop doing something that the bully wants them to stop doing.

What steps can parents take to teach their children not to bully others?

There are many different important concepts both psychological and spiritual that are important for parents to teach their children in order for their children to become really good, healthy, wonderful, delightful contributing human beings to society at large. Viewed another way, such children do not grow up to be bullies. It is most important from the time a child is born until he is truly ready to go out into the adult world, for parents to be ever aware of their children's needs and to minister to those needs (physical, emotional/psychological, spiritual) so as to teach them everything that the parents can think of about how to be a good decent caring human being. Children growing up in families where they are neglected emotionally automatically focus their energies in an attempt to get their needs met.

What should parents do if they learn their child is a victim of a bully?

Parents should offer what is always the healing love of their empathy for the suffering that their child has gone through as a result of being the victim of a bully. Children learn from and further appreciate examples that the parents may offer of their own childhood and adolescence and times when they may have been bullied, and how they handled this themselves. It is also at these times that children can be helped to understand why it is important that they themselves not mistreat others because of the feelings that they would cause such others.

Of course, ignoring the bully and making use of various other concepts routinely assist them in getting through the rough times that occur in everyone's life. Children who are acutely aware on a day-to-day basis of how much they are loved and valued by their parents, or whoever may be taking care of them, are typically able to tolerate significant amounts of stress and discomfort without being damaged by such.

In those cases where parental support and suggestions as to how to deal with the bully do not end the bullying, it is routinely necessary for the parent to take some action in order to intervene and end the bullying. If this occurs in a school setting the teachers and the principal need to be notified. If it occurs in a neighborhood, the parents of the bully need to be informed (occasionally the parents may need to seek legal advice as to what can be done in more extreme cases).


Just a note:

I just wanted to thank Dr. Yvonne Torres for her time. She is definitely an inspiration to all. If only we as parents treated our children from birth until adulthood with the same loving and cherishing time and energy as are devoted to thoroughbred animals and marvelous gardens, there would be no bullies growing from these situations and the world would become an incredibly better place as the years go by instead of the world that seems to be struggling as the years go by.

A Rite of Passage

 

What would you call a kick to the backside that catapults a ten-year-old boy across the classroom? Normal? What about a twelve-year-old snipping off the ponytail of her unsuspecting ex-best friend? All in good fun? Or what if a handicapped boy was being repeatedly ridiculed by a group of his classmates? Would you call it kids' play?

Unfortunately, these types of rite-of-passage behaviors are occurring day in and day out in schools across the country. And with approximately 30 percent of kids engaged in bullying or being bullied, there is a real chance your child could be among them.

And even if your child is one of the lucky ones and isn't a target of verbal aggression, physical assault, or peer rejection, your child will undoubtedly witness (as 70 percent of children do) many such events throughout his years in school. Bullying is a serious problem; one that can, and does, affect every student. Bullied kids may suffer anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and academic difficulties.

In the long term, kids who bully are at higher risk of depression and relational issues, and have higher rates of adult criminal behavior. And bystanders who witness bullying behavior feel ill equipped to intervene, and yet feel guilty for not helping.

Picture this: your child comes home from school with a black eye and a bruised lip. Would you dismiss it by saying, “Don't worry about it, kiddo. Everyone goes through it”? Probably not; you would be dialing the principal before you even grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer.


Below a film is displayed with an anti-bullying message. One of the stars of this film is Alex Libby. He used to be bullied. But Alex is now being presented as a confident teenager with high self-esteem. This video serves as a preview to “The Bully Effect.” It was added to the CNN website on February 25, 2013.

Libby gives speeches in various places as a part of an anti-bullying program. You can see him giving a portion of one of his speeches in this preview clip. He says a lot of shy kids are afraid of being themselves because they fear getting bullied. But what he learned is that that is the bully’s problem, not his.

Three years earlier, he was in a different documentary called “Bully.” Alex was relentlessly bullied at that time. Some of this was caught on camera, and you can also see portions of that doc in this CNN video. He said he pretty much lost all feeling and interest in life at that time except depression.

 

It is heartbreaking to hear and see Alex's story. His life is a rude awakening of the cruelty of kids and yet not enough seems to be done. Somehow, a large percentage of the population continues to downplay and discount the seriousness of the bullying problem. Stripped of all the misconceptions— "it's harmless," misrepresentations — "it's just a little roughhousing," and excuses — "it's hard to tell what's really happening between kids on the playground," bullying is still abuse. Just because the violence happens between children doesn't make it any less serious. In fact, it can make it more so because of a child's developing sense of self.

All of this is happening in the one place (besides your home) that your children should feel safe; in the hallowed halls of school, where your child should be focused on growing and learning and socializing with his peers. He shouldn't be worried about when he will get the next sucker punch or wedgie ripper. Also, he shouldn't have to worry about being attacked in the bathroom or stuffed in a locker. Ultimately, he shouldn't have to worry about being in school—at all.