Bullycide

With so many recent cases of suicide being talked about in the media, it leaves many wondering about the new term Bullycide. It is a hybrid of bullying and suicide to explain when someone takes their life as a result of being bullied. 

There are many teens who face being bullied every day whether it be at school, around their neighborhood, in public places or online. Cyberbullying has taken the concept of physical bullying to a whole new level, which is why many researchers believe it is often responsible for cases of bullycide. With many teens taking their lives after being bullied by fellow peers either in school or on the Internet, it leaves parents, teachers and their friends wondering what can be done to prevent bullycide.

What is bullycide?

Bullycide is when a person commits suicide due to the acts of bullying. Children and teens who are bullied live in a constant state of fear and confusion in their lives. Many feel the only way to escape the rumors, insults, verbal abuse and terror is to take their own life. Bullycide is clearly a serious issue. There are several different reasons that ultimately can lead to bullycide including:

• Being constantly physically and emotionally bullied
• Experiencing constant physical and emotional pain
• Having to continually relive an embarrassing moment over and over that is regularly brought up by peers as a method of torment
• Being the victim of bullying by an authority figure like a parent, teacher, coach or other adult
• When the victim of bullying has no other friends to rely on for support or encouragement while being bullied regularly

 

One example of such a case is: Phoebe Prince.

 



15-year-old Phoebe Prince's life was filled with unrelenting torment. Classmates at the Irish immigrant's Massachusetts high school called Prince a "whore" and an "Irish slut," students said. They defaced her school photo with obscene drawings, sent her threatening text messages and whispered—or shouted—insults in school hallways. On Jan. 14, witnesses say, she was taunted by a group of classmates in the library and hit with a can of Red Bull thrown from a moving car. That afternoon, Prince went home and hanged herself with a scarf. 

 

Nine students had been charged with harassment and other bullying-related crimes, spurring national debate about the role of the justice system and the culpability of the school administration. But Prince's case raises another, more elemental question: Why are kids so cruel?

Admiration and dominance

Research into bullying didn't start until the 1970s, when psychologist Dan Olweus began to study the phenomenon in Norwegian schoolchildren.

 

Since then, decades of research have shown that the power differential between bullies and victims is a crucial component of the interaction. Bullies go for admiration, for status, for dominance. Unlike friendly teasing bullying is long-term, unwanted and doesn't occur between social equals. 

 

Despite their aggressive behavior, bullies also want affection. Bullies care about the approval of their own in-group, so they strategically pick victims they know few other classmates will defend. 

 

Based on evidence that has been found, kids who are already socially awkward are more vulnerable to bullies. But there's no one thing that makes a child a target. One day, they just don't like a kid because that kid will wear pink, and the next day they might not like other kids because they're wearing blue, or they're tall, or they're small, or they wear glasses. It's just not really, systemically, that there's some kind of reason or motivation. It's more like a cultural thing.

Bullying prevention:

Because bullying is at the root of the problem when it comes to these ever-too-frequent cases of bullycide, the best way to take preventative measures is to work on stopping children and teens from being bullied. It is important to realize that the big, mean boy on the playground isn't the only type of bully anymore. There are many types of bullies from boys, girls, teens of all ages to adults in authority positions. Cyberbullying also makes it easier for children and teens to bully one another. Bullying has also been found to be a growing trend among recent bullying statistics.

Now, the question comes down to how to prevent bullying among youth to prevent cases of bullycide. One of the best ways to prevent bullying is to have your child journal every single instance of bullying. If the bullying is happening at school or is school-related, make sure to take this journal to a teacher, counselor or even the principal. If the matter is not resolved from there, take the situation to the police. Bullying and hate crimes are against the law. If teachers or administrative members at your school refuse to take action, you can file a complaint or bring charges against the school for negligence. You can also bring criminal charges of bullying to the school.  It is their job to ensure the safety of your child while they are at school. Take the matter to the police and school board to ensure action. This may make the difference between ending the bullying and some child or teen's life as the result of bullycide.

Do not allow your child to become a victim of bullying by encouraging open communication. If your child hides the instances of bullying from you, chances are you may not even notice that they have a problem until it is too late. Make sure your child knows they can come to you for help with anything. Another way to prevent bullycide and from bullying getting too far, make sure your child has a good group of friends. Often, bullies target children and teens who are loners or do not have many friends because they make for easy targets. Having friends can be a great protection for your teen or child against bullying. While cases of bullying and bullycide are growing, there are also more and more schools cracking down to ensure their students are not becoming bullies or becoming victims of bullies. However, parents still play a vital role in protecting their child against cases of bullying and bullycide. Although it may seem hopeless, you must never give up. We have the law on our side and we must continue the good fight.

Bullying Interventions

With the growing problem of bullying among children and teens, bullying interventions are becoming more and more of a responsibility of parents and teachers. Bullying interventions are necessary to prevent bullying or to stop it before it goes too far.

While it is not always possible to prevent cases of bullying, it is important to know what to do as a parent, a teacher or other school official in order to stop bullying with various types of bullying interventions. Through this tactic, bullies might be able to be successfully put in their place with an end to the bullying. There are a few different steps and ways you can go about preparing bullying interventions. It is best to find a technique that works with different types of bullying, which can range from physical to emotional as well as cyberbullying. According to a study put together by the Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System of the London Family Court Clinic, there are a few different methods for bullying interventions.

First, intervene immediately. Do not overlook a potential bullying situation. It is then important to talk to both the victim and the bully separately. If more than one student is involved, which does happen in many cases of bullying, talk to each one separately. Be prepared for the bully to minimize and deny their actions. By speaking to each person involved separately, you will have the best chance of figuring out the truth of the matter.

Second, remind the bully about the rules established in the school. Or if you are a parent looking to handle the situation, remind them of the rules in your home or in your neighborhood. Bullying is a crime that often occurs with physical violence, slander, and libelous statements that can be made online or spread viciously through rumours. Remind them that by committing these acts, they are susceptible to punishment by the justice system. If this is a first time offense and the results are minimal, make sure the punishment fits the crime. However, if this bully has continually hurt victims, be sure the consequences are much more severe. When talking with the victim, be sure they understand everything possible is being done to ensure a similar instance does not happen again. You want to make sure and gain their trust and confidence. The effects of bullying can be severely detrimental to the victim not only physically but also emotionally. This is why it is important to help them during the process to feel safe and secure again. If you are a parent, be sure to involve the other child (s) parents in the situation to help reach a resolution. If you are a teacher or school administrator, be sure to call both of the parents of the children or teens involved to help reach an understanding and possible resolution. It is important for parents to make sure their children are not taking on the characteristics of bullying. If they are, they need to be stopped before that type of behavior gets out of control. For some children and teens anger management is a serious problem that may need to be addressed in a counseling type setting to help stop the bully from continuing their antics and damage to their peers.

After the punishment has been delivered continuing watching the behavior of the bully. If you are a parent, be sure to keep that child away from your own and help your child or teen learn to avoid bullying. One way to prevent bullying is to help your child develop good self-esteem. Your teen or child doesn't have to be the strongest kid in the class or on the block to avoid bullying, but good, strong self-esteem is a great way to help them know how to handle a potential bullying situation.

Unfortunately bullies target the weak because they know they are an easy target. Do your best to ensure your child is not an easy target. Along with self-esteem, encourage your child to make friends with nice and kind peers. It is important for your child or teen to surround themselves with a positive support group to help remain strong and not the next victim of a bullying attack. As a teacher or administrator, keeping an eye on the bullying situation is the best way to stay on top of it and stop it before it starts.

How To Stop Kids From Bullying

Bullying is when one child or adolescent taunts, teases, torments or abuses another child in a relentless, unwarranted and unsolicited manner. Being bullied can cause irrevocable harm, and getting the offending party to cease such behavior is a process that takes both time and patience. Understanding the root cause of what prompts a child to act out in such a hurtful and hateful manner is the first step in helping to change the behavior.

Instructions              

1. Make a list of what is considered typical teasing and taunting and what constitutes bullying. Be descriptive in explaining the items on the list and give examples of scenarios where teasing crosses the line to bullying.
2. Sit the child down that has been accused of bullying and talk to her in an open discussion format. Do not use your list of what behaviors encompass bullying just yet. Ask the child open-ended questions: Do you think you are a bully? Why do you say that? Can you give me examples of things you have said or done that are considered bullying? Has anyone ever called you a bully? How does it make you feel to be thought of as a bully? Continue talking to the child to get her personal view on her behavior and whether or not she deems her actions to be acceptable. Pay attention to her body language and choice of words. Note whether the child shows remorse for poor actions or if she talks about incidents with pride.
3. Show the child letters, documents or statements illustrating incidents where the child was the offender in an act of bullying. Read the entire letter or statement to the child and make her sit quietly the entire time. Do not allow the child to interrupt you, and if she does, start over until she has learned control. Allow a moment of silence after reading the incidents and then proceed to discuss each event individually.
4. Ask your child how she feels when she is teased, tormented or harassed. Ask the child how bullying others makes her feel both during the event and afterward. Talk to the child about how bullying is not an acceptable form of behavior and what she would like to change about her behavior. Have the child write words and phrases describing herself. Review the list and talk to the child about what triggers her bullying.
5. Have the child keep a journal. Suggest keeping the journal at home so that others will not see it if the child has low self-esteem issues or has a fear of others perceiving her as weak. Review the journal entries weekly and continue one-on-one sit-down discussions with the child to work through issues and concerns. Praise the child for incidents where she was tempted to bully but opted not to.
6. Have the child talk to an independent party such as a pediatrician, counselor or therapist to express her feelings and learn ways to control her temper and anger. Continue working with the child and listening to her on a regular and routine basis. Continue to praise the child and reward good behavior to show that you appreciate her efforts in making a change.

 

Tips

 

Keep your own journal of issues to discuss with the child and note things that you see or hear that could be cause for concern. Also, do not ignore or overlook your child's bullying without attempting to correct the behavior yourself or seek outside help.

 

 

 

 

Life Will Change

It Doesn't Last Forever

A year after a Westport teenager, Alye Pollack, posted a silent but powerful online video decrying bullying, she has posted another video saying that she no longer is a target for bullies and urges others who feel bullied to seek help and be confident that "You Are Loved."

Reprising the format of her video from March 2011, Alye Pollack, now a 14-year-old high school student, does not speak but holds up a series of hand-lettered messages that say, among other things, to bullying victims, "It Gets Better." That, Pollack writes, is true of her own life, which "has changed SOOOOO much" over the course of a year.

"I've made so many new friends and remain friends with the people that have accepted me, BUT it doesn't matter how many friends you have; only how good and supportive and accepting they are," Pollack writes in the video below.

 

 

That marks a sharp change from the teen's earlier video, as seen in my previous post "Words Do Hurt," in which she complained about being targeted by bullies. "I am bullied," she wrote at the time. "Not a day has gone by without one of these words ..." and the next sign listed insults and epithets she said she was called, including, "... Fat, Slut, Freak, Ugly ..."
 
One of the last signs in the March 2011 video that Pollack held in front of her camera read: "HELP" in large capital letters, followed by, "THINK before you say things. IT MIGHT SAVE ..." "LIVES," read the following sign.
 
The video, besides going viral online, brought widespread media attention to Pollack, who was then an eighth-grader at Bedford Middle School. She was interviewed about her anti-bullying plea by local and national press. 
 
Now, however, in the new video she says that she no longer feels bullied, but she "feels bad for the people who bully me because I know what they are saying IS NOT TRUE."
 
To others who may be targeted by bullies, Pollack urges them to stay strong and not to consider extremes like cutting themselves or ending their lives. "It Gets Better," a smiling Pollack assures them. "Be Yourself ... You are Loved ... You are Special." "Don't run away from your problems," she urges. "Face them head on and stand up for yourself ... Words hurt, but you don't have to let them."


Advice for parents:

• Empower your children.
• Be assertive.
• Call the bullies' parents.
• Be involved.
• Speak with your child's teachers to make sure there's an attitude that bullying will not be tolerated.

Advice for teachers:

• If one child is getting bullied, it needs to be everybody's business.
• Instill a value system in the classroom and on the playground that someone who sits silently and watches a bully is as guilty as the bully himself.
• Keep a spirit of inclusion and enforce it.

Remember:

Words can be just as harmful as physical violence and can cause lasting psychological damage to victims. The old adage, "Sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you!" is simply not true. Never try to handle a bully alone. Always go to a person with authority over the bully such as: a teacher, a principal, a school liaison officer or a parent. No matter what a bully threatens to do, you must tell somebody in a position of authority and your parents. Never suffer in silence. You are not alone. Athough it's hard, you must be strong and remember that this situation will not last forever--life will change.

How to Deal With Adult Emotional Bullies

We're all grown up now, aren't we?

The word "bullying" conjures up images of the big kid pushing around the little kid on the playground and taking his lunch. Unfortunately, adults bully too. Although adult bullying also may be physical, it often appears in the more insidious form of emotional bullying. An emotional bully psychologically attacks you through actions including threatening, mocking, embarrassing and ignoring you. There are multiple steps that you can take to disarm an adult emotional bully.

• Ignore the bully. Bullies are trying to dominate and gain power. By choosing not to engage with their emotional abuse, you take away the opportunity for them to gain more power. You may either pretend you did not hear them or choose to leave the room. Because you are not rewarding your bully with a reaction, you may even find more positive behavior coming from the bully. Ignoring someone who is purposefully trying to invoke anger, rage and tears can be very emotionally difficult, so you may need to take more drastic measures.
• Use humor to deflect the situation. Many times adult emotional bullies use tactics such as sarcasm, name-calling or incessant teasing to put you down. If you are skilled at thinking on your feet, consider a sarcastic or witty comeback. Using self-deprecating humor or putting yourself down before the bully can come up with an insult also takes away his power.
• Directly confront your bully. Be assertive and confidently speak to your bully while looking her in the eye and firmly telling her, "Stop teasing me or mocking me." You also may share your feelings with your bully at this time by using "I" statements. For example, "I want you to quit mocking me" or "I feel disrespected when you ignore me." It is important to remember that bullies bully because of their own anger and insecurity issues. You may not get a response but do not take it personally. She most likely interacts this way with many others.
• Enlist outside help. If you have tried all other angles, it is necessary to ask someone to help you with the bully. If you are being emotionally abused at the workplace, talk to your supervisor or another authority figure. If you are being bullied by an acquaintance, ask your friends to support you. Make social plans that exclude the bully or force him to engage in a positive manner.

Tips:

If you must report adult emotional bullying in the workplace, be sure to keep a journal before going to your supervisor or boss. Record the dates, times and specifics of each bullying incident so you are armed with solid facts with which your bully cannot argue. If you choose to verbally engage with your bully, be careful of erratic behavior that may turn dangerous.

 

 


 

Beyond the School Yard!

The book, Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard, is very informative!

I came across this book called Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard by Dr. Sameer Hinduja and Justin W. Patchin, Ph.D.  At first, I was a little leery about the book because I felt that it may just be another story about bullying with limited information. I was really looking for a book about bullying that truly provided me with insightful facts that would help me.

This book is divided into seven chapters that provide a concise analysis and summary of the current state of knowledge regarding cyberbullying. The first half of the book engages in such matters as the explosive nationwide growth of teen Internet activities, how cyberbullying is different from other instances of bullying, and the debilitating effects cyberbullying can have on youngsters. The authors' first-hand research on cyberbullying, outlined in Chapters 3 and 4, is compelling. In the largest project of its kind, Hinduja and Patchin conducted a survey of student online behavior among 2,000 middle-school children randomly selected from one of the largest school districts in the United States. They found that 17.3 % had been cyberbullied at least once in their lifetime, 17.6% admitted to cyberbullying others at some point in their lifetime, and 12% reported being both a victim and perpetrator of cyberbullying. The authors also discuss the findings of a study they conducted on how teens are representing themselves and interacting with others on Internet social networking sites. Aside from their own path-breaking research, Hinduja and Patchin draw together in a clear and meaningful way the current research on youth centered correlates of cyberbullying such as age, gender, and race. They also meld personal stories of cyberbully victims with a detailed examination of the motivations of youth who cyberbully and the communication media they use to harass victims.
 

The second half of the book is extremely thorough in providing an overview of legal issues confronting school officials in responding to cyberbullying incidents as well as offering practical suggestions to educators for putting anti-cyberbullying rules in place in the school setting. Hinduja and Patchin skillfully examine current legislative measures states are adopting to curb cyberbullying and discuss shifting case law interpretations of the right of school officials to restrict student speech or behavior and to control what students do off campus. They present this material in a clear, non-technical manner, avoiding the use of specialized legal terms. To their credit, the authors offer a succinct breakdown of the essential components of a comprehensive cyberbullying policy for school districts. The treatment of this subject is a good example of the clearness and thoroughness of the book. As with earlier chapters, the authors support their writing with ample scholarly citations (over 228 citations). A rich resource section at the end of the book contains a wide range of helpful exercises and practical information for educators, parents, and youths on preventing and responding to cyberbullying, including tools and strategies for helping children who are targets of cyberbullying.

In sum, this book delivers on its title by providing a comprehensive pathway for understanding a new form bullying unlike the usual school yard variety. It is a scholarly work that is engaging, passionately written, and well documented. Each chapter is clear and concise and one can easily envision this book as a master reference text for researchers, educators, law enforcement professionals, and parents who are concerned with bullying through the use of technology. It represents an innovative work by two gifted scholars.